Have you had the experience of resting in Consciousness, feeling Divine Peace and Love… and then suddenly you feel pulled back into your ego stories – your hurts, fears, and confusions? And then do you repeat it all over again? (Consciousness, ego, Consciousness, ego….) If this resonates, you may be experiencing a phase of development called Oscillation (Stage 8 in the iConscious Model of Human Development. This is a phase of development that you experience after you at least begin to awaken, and you start to embody and live awakened awareness in daily life. And though you may feel like you are losing your mind or maybe you aren’t as awake as you thought you were, I can assure you that this is a normal part of the process and, if you stay committed to your growth and evolution, it will change.
Fundamentally what’s happening is that you are adjusting to a new normal. You are adjusting to a normal that starts from total peace and Oneness. You are starting to have a foundation of knowing that you are fundamentally whole, worthy, deserving, and ok no matter what’s happening. Your system is starting to accept that abundance and love are your new way of being. You are learning to embrace your own inner wise authority in a new way.
However, not all of you have received the good news of this change yet, and there’s a lot of old habits and conditioning that can be powerfully active. Sometimes I see it in my clients like a gravity well – old conditioning will yank them back down and, if they lose connection with their inner wisdom, they will begin to believe that the old way is reality (like falling back asleep). If they stay in connection with their inner wisdom, they will more quickly identify what’s happening and either work with the old conditioning to resolve it in some way, or they will choose a new way.
I want to break this down a bit more for you so, if this article applies to you or someone you know, you can hopefully map this to your experience and support yourself in the process.
What Doesn’t Change
There is nothing absolute in life except for The Absolute – Divinity, Source, Oneness, and Divine Love, Truth, and Peace. Whatever facets of God you experience, and whatever you call God, it is this Divine Presence that does not change. What does change is your awareness and relationship to it. You can be in full presence with the Divine – fully aware, fully One. But it takes a lot of time and some amount of healing effort to consistently abide in the knowing of Oneness. Until then, we have the experience of going in and out of that awareness of timeless Oneness, peace, love, wisdom, etc.
What Wants Change and Freedom – But Doesn’t Know How to Ask
Meanwhile, all the various parts of you that aren’t yet awake get a little taste of freedom – and they want more! They want to be free too! But they can’t tap you on the shoulder and say, “Excuse me – could you help me wake up also? Gosh, I’d really like peace too.” Instead, they only know how to tell their story and sing their song. So, if you have a part within you that still feels unworthy of love, it’s going to get your attention by crying, “I am not worthy and deserving!” If you have a part within you that feels scared because there’s not enough love, support, or resources, it’s going to get your attention by saying, “I’m terrified and there’s not enough!”
I could write pages and pages of examples, and each person is unique, but I hope this gives you enough of a sample of what I mean. When you have a part of your conditioning that rears its head, be patient and compassionate with it, because it’s just trying to tell you that it’s feeling left behind and it wants to come Home to the Light too.
This is the Next (and sometimes Last) Layer of Healing
The most common thing I hear from my clients is, “But I’ve worked through this emotional stuff! I’ve been to therapy! Why is it coming up again?” Two reasons:
(1) If an old pattern, part, or coping mechanism is arising again, that usually means that there’s one last layer of it, somewhere deep in the psyche or body, that’s ready for liberation. Which brings me to the next point.
(2) Healing happens in mind, heart, and body. In the mind, we witness, name, and accept a wound or part. This is often done in therapy. In the heart, we feel, express, and heal a wound or part. Sometimes this can happen in therapy, or with a practitioner of some other technique or method. In the body, we allow the feelings and story to arise, be fully seen and felt, and deeply healed on a cellular level. This usually requires a body-aware healer or body-centered healing modality. Many people never experience healing on all three levels. In my experience, most of my clients who have begun awakening have not yet done body-level healing, and it is this layer that arises for fresh attention, attunement, and love in the Oscillation stage.
Coping Mechanisms Need Liberation Too
Coping mechanisms are the way that we learned to cope with Life-As-We’ve-Known-It – but when our most foundational relationship to life begins to change and we begin to wake up, then those coping mechanisms are no longer helpful or even applicable at all. Think of coping mechanisms like old software programs from 1995. They can’t run on your new Awake Operating System. But they try, because it’s what you’ve known, and you haven’t yet upgraded all the software on your computer. I find that all my clients in the phase of Oscillation feel incredibly uncomfortable when their old coping mechanisms kick in. This phase of development is a glorious opportunity to upgrade all your old habits and mechanisms.
A Change in Authority
One of the other important characteristics of the Oscillation phase is that you will begin to switch your sense of authority completely over to your Inner Wisdom – the part of you that rests in truth and wisdom without wavering, and is open to wisdom from all sources without leaving your own center. This means that:
- You won’t weigh external authorities greater than your own inner authority, including spiritual teachers, parents, managers, etc.
- You won’t give as much power to other voices inside of you, i.e., voices of fear, control, inner managers/drivers/doers, etc.
In other words, the voice of peace, truth, wisdom, and love is becoming the dominant voice within you. And again, this takes time and practice. When a client is experiencing Stage 8, I often find myself saying to them, “Return to your Inner Wise Authority. What does it know?”
Not All Areas of Life Evolve at the Same Pace
Most humans don’t wake up in all areas of their life all at once. Maybe they have a big spiritual awakening, but maybe their emotional healing or relationships are a bit further behind in development. Or perhaps they are a little behind with abundance (specifically money, energy, and time) or with their bodies (health, their relationships/projection to their bodies, and their presence in their bodies). A gap of development between these areas of life can be confusing and frustrating in and of itself, adding to the confusion of the “oscillating” stage. Just keep in mind one of the golden rules – everything within you wants love, freedom, and peace. If you embrace every facet of you and your life and invite it to awaken and evolve, you will evolve!
As challenging as prior phases of growth can be, in some ways Oscillation – embodiment after awakening – requires just as much if not more commitment and diligence. If you keep the journey in perspective, you can enjoy the peace, bliss and clarity more and use the low points and confusion as a catalyst for integration and embodiment. Blessings for your journey!